tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19883353101180422572023-11-15T10:03:36.175-08:00Reflections from the Other Side of the Hood (Motherhood that is)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1988335310118042257.post-38239086076616013982016-07-26T13:44:00.000-07:002016-07-27T10:04:58.679-07:00Marriage & the Thin Blue Line<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;"><strong><br /></strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><img alt="Original file (SVG file, nominally 229 × 135 pixels, file size ..." class="s-img" data-pos="2" id="yui_3_10_0_1_1469564694581_622" src="https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.M8cef75967a45218e769bb2d06bc41754o0&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=168&h=98#inline" title="Original file (SVG file, nominally 229 × 135 pixels, file size ..." /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I heard a quote the other day that made me smile. “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Marriage
is like a walk in the park – Jurassic Park!!!”</i></b> Lol, how true is that!?!
My husband, Ed, and I have spent almost 26 years hurtling the dinosaurs of life
together (31 if you add in our dating years). We are as opposite as can be. I
am a city mouse, raised by a full of life, dramatic, hardworking single mom. My
idea of wildlife was the occasional squirrel. I was (was?) un-athletic, book smart,
and a good girl. I moved often growing up and have a knack for conforming to my
environment and am motivated by the desire to please. Our family plus my newly
acquired father moved to Maine when I was 14. That is where I met the dark,
handsome, and very confident Ed. It was infatuation at first sight for the both
of us. Ed, was not a lover of school, but loved the outdoors and all things
woodsy. He was also very athletic, strong, and opinionated and had an attitude.
He didn’t seem to care what anyone thought and I loved his rebellious persona. Think
of us as Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing - but without the dancing, or the
lake, or the premarital behavior – Ok, we were really nothing like Dirty
Dancing. But, it was still very romantic. Of course, once I got to really know
him, I discovered this sweet and sappy side of Ed. And he quickly learned that
I am not always as nice as I like to appear. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ed had always been drawn to law enforcement and even as a
young man had a clear sense of right and wrong. This strength of character has
led him from being part of Security Forces in the Air Force, to a Winston-Salem
Police Officer, to the Security Director for Calvary Baptist Church, to
training police officers in Iraq, to Assistant VP of Corporate Security for
Bank of America to now as a Corrections Officer for the Forsyth County
Sheriff’s Dept. Whew! What a varied, yet cohesive career over the past 26
years! I could and probably will do a whole blog on Ed’s career journey. Ed has
seen just about every side of human nature that there is to see. It amazes me
that he can daily shod off most of what he sees and experiences at the
threshold of our front door and is able to maintain the mostly kind and squishy
Ed that his family and friends know him to be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you know me well, or have read a previous blog, you are
probably wondering how our marriage survives with how high-risk Ed’s career
path has been mixed with my anxiety issues and naïve nature. Well, first of
all, I feel being an officers spouse (or a fireman’s spouse, an EMT’s, etc.) is
a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">calling</b>. And I am proud of my role
as his supporter. I also believe very strongly in Ed’s personal calling and the
need for the greater good. I also trust Ed completely and I believe that Ed is
safer in the will of God than even in a bubble wrapped room outside of it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of those statements are true, completely – 100%. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But let me share a little secret</i>. Here are
also some real life, not so proud of way that I cope: 1) I have no memory. None
- think a very tall Dory. So, even if Ed tells me a very traumatic story,
chances are, it will be forgotten in a few days. 2) I also have a very short
attention span, so often when Ed is telling me stuff (ok, total transparency
here), if he doesn’t tell me quickly, my mind is already wandering. Oh, another
thing is 3) yes, I have anxiety, but not usually about the big important things.
The fact that Ed risks his life every day? No problem! Our daughter is moving off
to Texas? No sweat!! But, get me thinking about a zombie apocalypse, getting
lost, driving off a bridge, or my dogs missing me if I am gone too long –
forget about it! Yes, this makes for a very confused woman, but it helps me
cope with my husband’s unusual schedule and work environment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is one thing that I confess that I have a hard time
coping with though. And that is the perception that some people have of Law
Enforcement. If you want to see me lose the nice girl, just start talking about
police and prejudice. Is there prejudice on the force? Absolutely! I bet there
is prejudice where you work too. Are there dirty cops? Unfortunately, yes. I
wish there was a way to ensure that every sworn officer always held him/herself
to the highest standard. But just like there are bad apples in teaching, the
medical field, churches, business offices, in every career – there will be
officers undeserving of the badge. But, for anyone to think for a half minute
that someone would go into law enforcement to target a select group of people
is ridiculous. These civil servants give up sleep, family time, finances,
security, safety, holidays and respect to make sure that the law of the land is
upheld. Just imagine if every job was like law enforcement. Imagine knowing you
were a target. If not of personal danger, than of disrespect. What if because
of where you worked that you couldn’t have your home number listed or address
printed anywhere for protection of your loved ones? That you had to have a
camera on you at all times to record your every interaction? How would you deal
with all that? And, then after a 12 hour shift, possible a rotating,
alternating shift like Ed’s is, you need to come home and play with your kids,
mow the lawn, visit your parents and go to church. You have seen sin in every
form possible and yet you need to be the perfect officer at work and then
perfectly normal at home. This is why it is a calling. To think that anyone
would subject themselves to these standards for any sort of wrong motive is
insulting. And I strongly believe that if and when an officer can’t live up to
these almost impossible standards, then he should be moved to a different area.
Out of respect for him and for what he represents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thank you for reading my blog and thank you for praying for the men
and women in blue. Thank you for praying for their families as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every life matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every life deserves respect. I have been
blown away with the stories Ed has told me of his interaction in the jail over
the past 3 years. Yes, since it is me, he tells me in condensed versions, but I
love hearing his heart and respect for the inmates. To quote Martin Luther King
– “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stand in moments of comfort
and convenience, but where he stand at times of challenge and controversy”. I
am proud that my man stand on the thin blue line.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Below are some sobering statistics regarding law enforcement officers. These brave men and women are some of our countries greatest treasures</span> -</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There
are more than <b>900,000</b> sworn law enforcement officers now serving in the
United States, which is the highest figure ever. About <b>12 percent</b> of
those are female. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Crime
fighting has taken its toll. Since the first recorded police death in 1791,
there have been over <b>20,000 </b>law enforcement officers killed in the line
of duty. Currently, there are <b>20,789 </b>names engraved on the walls of the
National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial.</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A
total of <b>1,439</b> law enforcement officers died in the line of duty during
the past 10 years, an average of one death every <b>61</b> hours or <b>144</b>
per year. There were <b>123 </b>law enforcement officers killed in the line of
duty in 2015. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There
have been <b>15,725</b> assaults against law enforcement officers in 2014,
resulting in <b>13,824</b> injuries. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">New
York City has lost more officers in the line of duty than any other department,
with <b>705</b> deaths. Texas has lost <b>1,682</b> officers, more than any
other state. The state with the fewest deaths is Vermont, with <b>23</b>. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There
are <b>1,102 </b>federal officers listed on the Memorial, as well as <b>668 </b>correctional
officers and <b>36 </b>military law enforcement officers.</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "calibri";"> </span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;"> <span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There are <b>292</b> female
officers on the Memorial; <b>11 </b>female </span><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;">officers</span> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;"><span style="color: blue;">were killed in 2015</span>.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Always Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Shannan</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1988335310118042257.post-43730924831425261332016-07-07T11:09:00.002-07:002016-07-27T10:01:30.439-07:00Anxiety and My Suitcase<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Disclaimer – I have
never been officially diagnosed as having anxiety, but I have also never been officially
diagnosed as tall, but it is what it is. But, with that being said, I in no way
want to make light of the struggles that people with diagnosed mental issues go
through – these are just my experiences.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <img 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" />
</span></i><span style="line-height: 107%; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<div style="border-image: none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Merriam-Webster defines anxiety as <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fear of nervousness about what
might happen; a feeling of wanting to do something very much</i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i> The site also lists the definition of
control freak as a person <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">who has a strong need to control people or
how things are done.</i></b></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<div style="border-image: none;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I am a recovering control freak and a currently practicing anxiety
sufferer. For years, I thought my need to control situations around me was somehow
helpful to God. Like I was doing my part. I wasn’t just aimlessly standing by; oh
no, I was actively engaged in the process with God – or so I thought. I was not
“helping” God. The truth is that I had a lack of faith and pride problem. God
has been very gracious to me and for the past 6 years or so has begun to chisel
away at the many areas in my life that needs refining. I have a lot to overcome
– but God has been very patient with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is actually freeing to realize that so much
of life is beyond our control – from little things like the traffic in the
morning or to how people will react to issues - to the big things like health
and job security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though the need
to be in control still flares up now and again, I can honestly say that I rest
so much easier truly believing that nothing is random, that God is good, I don’t
need to have all the answers and that today I have enough. Say those things
with me. Believe them in your hearts – if you have similar issues, you will be
amazed at how much better life is when you release the control that you never truly
had anyway.</span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Now, on to my anxiety. God
is going to have to do a lot of chiseling with this this one. I think this is a part of my make-up. Was I
born this way? I don’t know. I just know that I have had these issues for as
long as I can remember and they only seem to get worse as I get older. Would
medication help? Probably, but I have chosen to just be me for now – I am sure those
closest to me will let me know when I need extra help. </span><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> What type of anxiety do you
ask? Well, of course I have the normal issues – I sing occasionally at church
and teach in our youth group. I have the standard sweaty palms, cold sweats and
nausea that anyone has before those times (that is normal, right?) But I also
deal with anxiety when it comes to many normal life issues. One I am dealing with
soon is the concept of going away. Any time I leave my home to do anything out
of the normal, I deal with an amount of anxiety. My sweet newlywed daughter and
I plan to go away for just a few days to visit one of my best friends at the
beach. About a week before we were to leave, I started getting nervous. What if
we get lost or break down? What if my dogs miss me? What if someone gets hurt
while I am gone? What if???? The level of anxiety is so great in me about leaving
the comfort of home, that my racing heart tells me to just cancel. That life is
just so much easier in the comfort of my own home. I have to argue with myself all
of the time. No, we will be fine if we break down, the dogs will survive 4 days
without me, etc. I literally have to choke down feelings of panic. To
help cope, I make detailed hour by hour lists for everyone left at home (it
gives the old beast some sort of a feeling of control) and I will pray and ask
God to calm my spirit and I will make myself go. And, I know we will have a
wonderful time. I always do. I might cry even while I am gone, but I always
have a amazing time. I know most of you can’t even imagine what I am
describing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone in my family are wonderful
adventurers, so I know they can’t relate. Worse part is that I have to psych
myself like this anytime we leave the house to do anything besides the normal
routine of work or errands. Even a day trip to the mountains or an extended shopping time with
friends. I bet you didn’t know that about me, did you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only a couple of close friends besides family
have seen my true craziness, and my family graciously has learned to ignore it.
I so appreciate those dear ones for loving me anyway. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Why do I share this? Just so you know how loony I am? No,
besides this just scratches the surface. You know that second part of anxiety?
The strong desire to do something? Yes, that is why I don’t like heights – I always
feel an incredible urge to jump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(See, I
really am strange!) I share this because I can’t be the only one that deals
with issues that seem beyond their control. And your issues may not look like mine, some
people have anger issues, depression, other control issues etc. I don’t know
how people get through things without the Lord. Left up to me, I would be the
crazy dog lady that never leaves the house. But when I read verses like <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">2 Tim 1:7</b>, I read that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God has not given us a spirit of fear and
timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline</b>. That tells me that God
has given me the power to overcome that fear and anxiety and if I let those
things control me, I can’t show people the love that He has also given me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God also give me the self-discipline to help overcome
my issues. I also love <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">John 14:27 - I am
leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't
like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many great verses on trust and
not being anxious. So, please take it from your loony friend – do the things
you are scared to do. Even if you aren’t ready to do something big, do baby
steps. See how God gets you through it. My big goal is a mission trip in the near
(but not too near please) future – talk about out of my comfort zone! But, for now, my goal is to have an amazing 4 day girls get away and I plan to leave as little room as possible for anxiety in the
suitcase!</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Always Sincerely,</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Shannan</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
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" 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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1988335310118042257.post-38716310829251308262016-06-30T09:10:00.002-07:002016-06-30T10:13:12.234-07:00Walk Softly and Carry a Big Heart<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Today I had a diagnostic exam that I am supposed to have
done every 6 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> I have a surplus of calcium in my body (eyes, skin, teeth, etc., so
it is only fitting that I would have it other places too). For me, this 2 hour
visit has always been an inconvenience. Just something that needs to be done “just
in case”. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This morning I was in the waiting room happily sipping my
complimentary coffee, listening to Andy Griffith playing from the mounted TV
and checking work emails. In my mind I could think of many worse ways to spend
a Thursday morning. During this moment of solitude, a lady walked in with a
definite look of fear in her eyes. She sat near me so I struck up a
conversation. It turns out this lady was a breast cancer survivor. It had been
13 years ago. But her annual exam had shown signs of new trouble. This could be
nothing, she admitted, but I could see in her expression that a flood of
memories from past trauma was washing over her. I grabbed her hand and said I
would pray for her. As I let go, another lady walked in and seemed eager to
talk. Her mother had passed away from breast cancer and this lady had some
things show up in a routine exam that were a cause for further testing. Then,
another lady joined our huddle. She had already had her diagnostic, had seen a
technician and was directed to change and go back to the waiting room. She
seemed optimistic that this was good news, but the rest of us glanced at each
other nervously. We knew this meant something else. I was about to ask the
ladies if I could pray for them when my name was called. My time in the waiting
room would be over. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As expected, nothing had changed for me, and I was fine to go until my
next imaging appointment. Normally I just do a small “I knew it would fine, but
always thankful” kind of prayer. But, this morning was different. What for me
was just an inconvenient happening, might just be a life changing moment for others.
How do I selfishly now go about my day as normal?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Every day I go through life so absorbed with my own
happenings. I pray that the Lord will open my eyes to opportunities to do more
than just hold a hand, but to really help people through their journeys. I am
so thankful for a job/ministry where I actually get paid to show people comfort
or connect them to others who can. But even still, how much do I miss because my
eyes are too focused on me and mine to look out on others?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">God was gracious to me this morning, and I
am thankful for the reminder to pay forward the comfort that He has given me
over the years. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says it better than I ever could - “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">All praise to God, the Father of our Lord
Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> <sup><span id="en-NLT-28765"><span style="font-size: x-small;">4 </span></span></sup>He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can
comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same
comfort God has given us.”</b></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Lord, please give me eyes to see, ears to hear, words to
give and a big heart to listen.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Always Sincerely,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Shannan</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1988335310118042257.post-90138748419176468802016-06-14T12:22:00.001-07:002016-06-14T12:22:18.258-07:00Tragedy and Refuge<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Our youngest is 17 years old and today I thought about how
he has never known a world without mass shootings and acts of terror. The
Columbine High School massacre happened one month after he was born. I remember
so clearly watching the news, rocking my infant and crying over the world that
he and his siblings would be forced to grow up in. This was just an unbelievable
tragedy. How could this have happened? Before the Columbine shootings I
remember isolated incidents of rage, but something seemed to shift that day. I
Googled mass shootings since 1999 and the number is staggering. What is even
worse is that our culture has digressed from trying to comfort one another in
our grief, to using these incidents for political gain and media viewership. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Our world is evil, and things are only going to get worse.
This is not the time for us to look <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">outward</b>.
We can’t fix evil hearts by banning certain objects or even by purchasing more
of them. And even revenge on the terrorists won’t change the seemingly unbalanced
scale of darkness in our world.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The answer has to be to look <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">upward</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">inward</b>. We
need to look up to our Creator. Because of sin, there is evil in our world. The
Lord is our only hope. And not just in times of tragedy. He is our daily hope
and peace. He is our main source of comfort and our assurance. While we process
our grief, in shock and disbelief, this is a perfect time to examine our own
hearts. Life is fleeting, so, do I make the most of each day? Do I live for
earthly gain only, or do I try to better mankind with my existence? Do I have
love for my neighbor, or do I have judgment and hatred? Do I try assist the
downtrodden, or do I live a life of entitlement? And most importantly, if today
were my last day on earth, where would I spend eternity? We want to think we always
have a tomorrow to think about it, but none of us are promised a tomorrow. God
loves every single one of us, more than we could ever imagine. Evil would be
stamped out if we truly believed this and turned away from the sin that tries
to control all of us and leaned on the Lord.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">We also need to remember that when any tragedy occurs, we
are talking about real people, not just numbers. Every victim was someone’s son
or daughter, or parents, or their spouse. I can’t even begin to wrap my head
around what the parents of the Orlando victims are going through. We need to be
respectful to their pain. This is not a time for politics or judgment. By evidence
of my Google search today, tragedies like this can happen absolutely anywhere.
At a church, at a school or even a quick trip to a local store. We have to keep
the truth of the importance of human life and the importance of the next one foremost
in our minds. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There is a song called Refuge by the group Finding Favor. I
love the words, they are especially comforting when my heart is broken for the pain
of the many…………………….</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;">My
soul, it sings to You</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><br />
Oh God, You are my refuge<br />
I will cling, I will cling to You<br />
My shelter through the storm<br />
My peace when waves of troubles roll<br />
I will cling, I will cling to You<br />
<br />
I could search the stars<br />
I could swim across the seas<br />
And never find a love<br />
That's as strong as Yours for me - You are my refuge<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Always
Sincerely,</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in -0.25in 8pt 4.5pt; text-indent: -4.5pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Shannan</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1988335310118042257.post-64579915607483273082016-06-01T12:42:00.001-07:002016-06-14T12:27:19.203-07:00My first post...................<div style="text-align: left;">
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Ok, I am doing it. I am starting a blog. I always have ideas running around in my brain and except for being pretty sure I am secretly being taped for a Japanese sitcom, I think that my 23+ years of experience raising kids has given me a few good things to say along the way.</div>
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Ever since I was 4 years old, I could not wait to be a mommy. Growing up, when people asked what I wanted to be someday, a mom was always my answer. My husband, Ed (or Lovemuffin as I call him), and I started our family young. We were married when I was 20 and our oldest, Matt, arrived when I was 22. I loved every minute of mommy-hood and I would have had 6 children if Ed (he is the realist) and our finances hadn't been a factor. Now that I am worn out and weary from helping to lift off 3 adult chicks from our nest - I am thankful that we only had 3. But in my 20's, I would have loved to have given the Duggar's a run for their money.</div>
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Now, our youngest is 17 and about to be a senior in high school. The "mommy" days are over. Yes, I know I am still needed and loved (blah blah blah). But I am no longer anyone's <strong>everything</strong>. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the best and we love each other dearly, but I really hope he doesn't start to need me to cut his dinner up, hold his hand to cross the street, etc. Any hand holding should be out of romance and companionship - not for his safety! My affection for him has always been so different than what I had with the kids. I will admit it - I desperately miss being needed desperately.</div>
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All 3 of our kids are extremely independent. Our daughter, Emily, is 21 and was married on May 20, 2016. Yes, less than 2 weeks ago! The wedding was amazing and I definitely plan to blog on that. But, our little princess now has a family of our own. And that one that made us parents at 23? Well, he has his own apartment, car and even a puppy of his own. And everyone knows how the life of a Senior is, between girls, sports, work, church and school, there isn't much time left for mama. I know that I am loved and even surprisingly, liked. But this view of motherhood is very different. I would not change it, I am thrilled that I have healthy children with thriving lives - I am just adjusting to the view.</div>
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Since this might take a little while for me to process, what better way for me to do so than to share all of my innermost thoughts, fears, joys, criticisms, laughs, etc., with people I have never met! My hope is that my posts bring insight, humor, encouragement and maybe help me gain some kindred spirits - no matter what side of the "hood" you might be on.</div>
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Always sincerely, </div>
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Shannan</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03151382988048343429noreply@blogger.com0